Been a While

Its been an awful long while since i wrote last.  There is way too much to write, to catch up on.  But I do know life is possibly at its best.  I know i am getting back to me bc  i have excitement for the future, for the unknown.  I dont want to plan things out, I like having things i want to do but no specific plan for them.  I like enjoying each day, and not dreading each day away.  There are certainly individuals that have helped life back to where it should be.  I think they know who they are.

I have to admit, life is easier without a male really being part of it.  I cant say my eye doesnt notice a nice face, a nice body, or an amazing personality....but truth be told, my heart cant take much more.  I am tired of the bullshit, the freakin desperation i have run into. SLOW DOWN! Take a minute to figure me out, what I, ME, ASHLEY, am about and not what I look like. Thanks. And the desperation spilling out of your mouth.....sick....not attractive at all. thanks.

For now i am enjoying building, and strengthening the relationships i have now, and getting myself together. in every way shape and form.

I had to share this

SAW ONE OF THESE AS SOMEONES UPDATE AND FOUND OUT IT WAS AN EMAIL. SHE SENT IT TO ME AND NOW I HAVE TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE. THIS IS SO SWEET AND SO TRUEWhat Love means to a 4-8 year old.... Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined... See what you think.

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my d addy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7


'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4


'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4


'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6


'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8


And the final one The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

My Ode to the Free Bird

While you have a hard time staying put and maybe sticking to things here and there, you have lived, you have tried things, you have experienced all that there can be to experience. Don't stop flying, some may be bothered by your flight, some may try to stop you, but whats that matter? You find joy in the new, and carry the memories with you. You will see, and experience things others only dream of.

Sometimes I feel you in there, you make me antsy. Im sorry, I cannot let you out, for sometimes its best to stay put. I love you dearly, and will never forget youre in there-you make me tick and bring me hope. Some arent so fond of you, but I enjoy you're company, you make life interesting.
xx

Goodness!

This week has flown by, maybe its due in part to all the drama that has been going on. Damn it, I liked when my life was without all this sh*t. The ex is back, and I do not know what to believe anymore, but what I am sure of is that my trust is shot and my heart not so good. He's going to have to work real hard to get anywhere with me-but I supposed if you want it bad enough and he loves me like he says he does he will work till I have no doubts.

Now as for girls.....some are just straight up bitches and I am sort of over that. F*ck off, and f*ck you is all I have to say to that, you dont know how to be a friend.

A week and 2 days and I am back to my island. aaaaaaahhhhh (out stretched arms) the sun, the sand, my daily life how I have missed thee. I am not sure what to expect when I get back as everything has been turned right side up and upside down again three times over, but I am ready to get back and start a new chapter in my life. Heres hopin a few of these girls stick and around bc I'm lovin them so far, and heres to hopin he is real.

I'm Just a Girl

okay so the douchbaggery continues, and continues and continues. I am completely numb at moments, but really how does one react to all of this.

please I'm just a girl. I have a heart, and I want all the same things every little girl wants, love, true love. I get that this KID is a sick sick person, who will, if life works out right, get his..thank you karama. But please stop telling me "you're a strong girl." , "You deserve better than him." ,"He is a douchbag.." so on and so forth. I know I shouldn't let him get to me, I know he is a worthless piece that will some day meet his match. But i still have a heart, that hurts just like everyone elses when they get shit on. Give me five minutes to feel like shit, to a shed a tear or two because thats how I feel. I do not care if I shouldn't let him have my tears, great I know that, but you know what I AM HURTING! Maybe only for 5 minutes, but fuck allow me my 5 minutes before you start telling me to stick it too him stand up straight and don't let him get to you.

Just let me have a moment to be vulnerable...im sick of having to be tough-its too tough.

Dear P.F.C. Fake

Dear P.F.C Fake,

No matter the excuse, truth or not this is the end. the simple fact that I do not trust your words means that this is the end. I wish you had been real, you had potential, and I would have given you everything and anything. I have tried hard enough and given you far too much, but you cannot have my happiness, I refuse to let you take that from me. I'll take back the pieces of my heart now, thank you, those belong to me.


Never Yours,
That girl you'll wish you never lied to.